Grief
Yesterday was a momentous day for me... I went to work, and for the first time since Mom died, I felt "normal"... meaning that I engaged with my students. I didn't just "go through the motions" like I had been doing. I didn't feel like it took all my energy to just make it thru the day.
Ever since I went back to work on September 13, I've had to force myself to get through each day. And I've made it, though just barely. I managed - I was able to function. Last weekend I was able to play viola with the quartet for a wedding ceremony, and it went quite well. Sunday I was EXHAUSTED and stayed home and did nothing all day but vegetate.
Wednesday night I stayed up way too late - didn't go to bed until 11:30. So I only got about 7 hours of sleep - and yet I had a good day on Thursday, and another good day at work today. I feel like myself again, and it's wonderful. I stopped at the library on Tuesday (the tiny little branch in Mosinee) and actually found two good books on tape (on CD, actually) and two books to read... and I've already read one and I'm well into the second one - and enjoying it! [It's been a very long time since I've been able to concentrate on a book.]
[...When I told Grant I'd gotten two books on tape, he said, "What I want to know it, was it scotch, masking or duct?"...!!]
One of the ways that my grief has been manifesting itself is that I have been finding all sorts of things to get angry with Ron about. Everything he does has been bothering me, with no rhyme or reason to it. I've had to avoid being around him in order to not pick at him. It's been a hard time for us both, but we knew that it would pass - and Ron has been, as he almost always is, extremely loving and patient with me.
But yesterday, not only did I have a good day at work, but I also found myself looking forward to getting home and spending time with Ron!!! We went out to a local clock shop that is going out of business and selected a new cuckoo clock for our home. When Mom came here, she brought the cuckoo clock that Grant gave her years ago, and we loved having it here. And so when we returned it to Grant, we really missed it - and now we have our own! It's so nice, and it's the first thing that we have purchased in "remembrance" so to speak of Mom. Then we also went grocery shopping and to find me a new calculator - and had supper at Wendy's. "Gee," I said while we were eating our hamburgers, "is this a date??" "Yeah, I think so! It's been so long I'm not sure, but I think this qualifies!"
Ron went down to see his Dad last week and again today, and so I'm home alone this evening.... I've been going through some of the boxes that contained items from Mom's desk. I have had the joy to find tons of family pictures, some of them very, very old. I've shed some tears, and I'm looking forward to scanning many of them and making some more CDs for people.
But now I suppose that I would be well advised to go to bed and get some rest.
Jane has surgery next Wednesday - please pray for her.
Good night....
Ever since I went back to work on September 13, I've had to force myself to get through each day. And I've made it, though just barely. I managed - I was able to function. Last weekend I was able to play viola with the quartet for a wedding ceremony, and it went quite well. Sunday I was EXHAUSTED and stayed home and did nothing all day but vegetate.
Wednesday night I stayed up way too late - didn't go to bed until 11:30. So I only got about 7 hours of sleep - and yet I had a good day on Thursday, and another good day at work today. I feel like myself again, and it's wonderful. I stopped at the library on Tuesday (the tiny little branch in Mosinee) and actually found two good books on tape (on CD, actually) and two books to read... and I've already read one and I'm well into the second one - and enjoying it! [It's been a very long time since I've been able to concentrate on a book.]
[...When I told Grant I'd gotten two books on tape, he said, "What I want to know it, was it scotch, masking or duct?"...!!]
One of the ways that my grief has been manifesting itself is that I have been finding all sorts of things to get angry with Ron about. Everything he does has been bothering me, with no rhyme or reason to it. I've had to avoid being around him in order to not pick at him. It's been a hard time for us both, but we knew that it would pass - and Ron has been, as he almost always is, extremely loving and patient with me.
But yesterday, not only did I have a good day at work, but I also found myself looking forward to getting home and spending time with Ron!!! We went out to a local clock shop that is going out of business and selected a new cuckoo clock for our home. When Mom came here, she brought the cuckoo clock that Grant gave her years ago, and we loved having it here. And so when we returned it to Grant, we really missed it - and now we have our own! It's so nice, and it's the first thing that we have purchased in "remembrance" so to speak of Mom. Then we also went grocery shopping and to find me a new calculator - and had supper at Wendy's. "Gee," I said while we were eating our hamburgers, "is this a date??" "Yeah, I think so! It's been so long I'm not sure, but I think this qualifies!"
Ron went down to see his Dad last week and again today, and so I'm home alone this evening.... I've been going through some of the boxes that contained items from Mom's desk. I have had the joy to find tons of family pictures, some of them very, very old. I've shed some tears, and I'm looking forward to scanning many of them and making some more CDs for people.
But now I suppose that I would be well advised to go to bed and get some rest.
Jane has surgery next Wednesday - please pray for her.
Good night....
posted by Maggie | 8:13 PM
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