Day 15

It's just over two weeks since mom got here. The nurse was here this morning and we're doing everything we can to help her stay as pain free as possible. She is sleeping almost all of the time, but is still able to talk to us when she is awake. I wonder how much longer that will last, though.

Just now she was feeling nauseous again, and so the nurse is checking with the doctor to get a cream that we can use because it's virtually impossible for her to take any more pills.

I have to admit to being a bundle of conflicting emotions. On the one hand, I am thankful that mom is going to "slip away" relatively peacefully as she wishes. And on the other, I've got an undercurrent of pain and could easily burst into tears of grief. In fact, while waiting to see my shoulder surgeon this morning, I found myself crying in his office. I've been very cool and collected for the most part (except for Sunday night when I was overwhelmed with exhaustion and feeling so helpless to help alleviate her suffering), and in a way, that's good because I can still think clearly and take care of details like paying the bills etc. But it won't be like this all the time! I wouldn't want it to be. The emotions will come out at the appropriate time, I think.

I don't think that it will be long now. I'm not a doctor or nurse, and I've never gone thru this before, but there has been a steady decline every day for a week now, and so I pray it will be soon.

Thanks for all your prayers....