Tears

Yesterday afternoon I found myself starting to cry for the first time (not counting last Sunday evening). Every day this week, when Mom started on the morphine, the nurse had come to the house, and increased the dose. On the weekend, however, the hospice nurse checks in by phone to see how you are doing and comes to the house only if necessary. I had talked to Char (the weekend gal) a few times, and finally asked her to come because it was evident to us that the dose needed to be re-evaluated again. So she said she'd come around 3. That then later changed to 5.

Well, 6 o'clock rolled around, and then 7 o'clock, and no Char. I finally called and got in touch with the evening weekend nurse on call, Barb. (Gee - we had a Jane, a Char and a Barb!) Not being able to contact Char, Barb agreed to come right away.

She examined Mom, and Mom opened her eyes, but wasn't really aware or responsive. Barb and Ron readjusted Mom's position in the bed, and then Barb came out to talk to us. It was then (and I think that this was around 8pm) that she said she wanted to use an additional drug called atavan to help Mom relax. This drug was in the "emergency kit" that I'd picked up earlier in the week. She needed to call the doctor to get his permission. While on the phone with him, she said, "I'm at Priscilla Jensen's and she is actively if not imminently dying." And yet, she told us after the phone call that she did not predict that she would die Saturday night. She thought it might happen on Sunday or Monday, and told us further signs to be watching for.

Then, as it was time for the next dose of morphine, she showed us how to crush the atavan and mix it with the morphine. Then we went into the bedroom to give it to her. Ron and Barb were in the room first, and I was behind them. Barb saw Mom, and said, "I think what we were just talking about has already happened," and Ron said to me as I came into the room (I had not heard Barb), "She's gone." Wow. I was like, "Are you SURE?!" Barb listened for a heartbeat, and she said, "I'm sure. I'm so sorry." Wow. It was over. Mom was finally released and set free from this earthly body. Wow. Hallelujah! She got the "I want to sleep and not wake up" death that she wanted!

She died at 8:35pm Saturday, September 3.


Mark and Abby were here with us, and I am so very, very thankful for that. The nurse was here. What a blessing she was. It's been approximately 26 hours now. I've spent hours on the phone. I was able to get about 5 1/2 hours of sleep last night. I was able to go to church this morning and share the news with my dear friends at Highland. We've spent the day with Mark and Abby making preparations for the coming week and just enjoying each other's love and support.

Now I have tomorrow to wrap some things up here and do the final prep for the first day of classes on Tuesday. After work we will head to the Twin Cities to join the rest of the family. Services are tentatively going to be on Thursday at Oliver.

THANK YOU to everyone for all your love and prayers. We'll see many of you this week. I have a LOT of stories to tell. Hopefully I will be able to do so over the coming days and weeks.

So, stay tuned....!