Recovering and Remembering

As I start to go thru Mom's papers more thoroughly, I am finding things that I'd like to share with others. They are reminders of the rich spiritual heritage she gave us. So here are a few to get started:

This is the poem that, as I recall, was above Grandma Lohman's kitchen sink:

REMIND ME, GOD

Dear God,
When I am lonely and
perhaps I feel despair,
let not my failing heart forget
that You hear every prayer.
Remind me that no matter what
I do or fail to do
there is still hope for me as long
as I have faith in You.
Let not my eyes be blinded by
some folly I commit,
but help me to regret my wrong
and to make up for it.
Inspire me to put my fears
upon a hidden shelf
and in the future never to
be sorry for myself.
Give me the restful sleep I need
before another dawn
and bless me in the morning with
the courage to go on.

This was written (in a childish hand)from one of her children:

To My Mother

When Jesus decided to send me
From Heaven's skies of blue
He searched the wide world over
For a woman, kind and true.

Someone to love me always
Someone to keep me spotlessly new,
One who would really want me -
He wished His own Mother would do.

But then, at last, my Jesus found one,
Who was as good as she could be.
She had been waiting, yes, longing,
For a baby just like me.

So, He wrapped me in a fluffy cloud,
Tied with a ribbon blue,
And slid me down the rainbow,
Yes, Mom - to earth, and you.

(Does anyone remember writing that??)

The following is simply titled "I Will..."

I will -
Dwell in the house of the Lord forever
Lift up my soul to Thee, O Lord
Wait on Thee
Walk in my integrity
Seek after the Lord - to behold His Beauty - to enquire in His Temple
Seek Thy face
Cry unto Thee
Give unto the Lord the glory due His name
Worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness
Confess my trangressions unto the Lord
Declare my iniquty
Be sorry for my sin
Take heed to my ways
Remember Thee
Go to the altar of God
Not fear
Freely sacrifice unto Thee
Pray and cry aloud to Thee
Call upon God
Praise His Word
Lay me down in peace and sleep
Come into Thy house in the multitude of Thy mercy
Worship in Thy fear
Put my trust in Thee
Praise the Lord according to His righteousness
Sing praise to the name of the Lord
Praise Thee, Oh Lord, with my whole heart
Shew forth all Thy marvelous works
Be glad and rejoice in Thee
Rejoice in Thy salvation
Sing unto the Lord
Bless the Lord Who hath given me counsel
Behold Thy face
Be satisfied, when I awake, with Thy likeness
Love Thee
Give thanks unto Thee, Oh Lord
Declare Thy name unto my brethren
Praise Thee in the midst of the congregation
Not fear what man can do to me
Seek Thee early
Sing of Thy power - of Thy mercy
Bless Thee while I live
Lift up my hands in Thy name
Declare what He has done for my soul
Hope continually
Go in the strength of the Lord
Remember the works of the Lord
Hear what God the Lord will speak
Be glad in the Lord
Behave myself wisely
Offer to Thee the sacrifice of thanksgiving
Meditate in Thy precepts
Delight myself in Thy statutes
Not forget Thy Word
Rise at midnight to give thanks to Thee

Christmas

Well, we made it thru the holidays. It wasn't too bad, actually. We did the familiar "Minneapolis Christmas Eve/Viroqua Christmas Day" run. I was fighting off a cold by using Airborne (which works quite well, actually!).

Christmas Eve we were at Mark and Abby's, and there were 20 of us. I was able to distribute some of Mom's jewelry and scarves, and that was nice. Abby made her second turkey ever and it was delicious! Aria had to leave early because of her dog allergy but also because she was getting sick. She was so miserable on Christmas Day that she was barely able to open her presents. But she's feeling better now.

[Christmas Eve on our way to Mark's Ron and I stopped at the cemetary and I went to Mom and Dad's grave and cried. It was good for me to do that. I had not been there yet.]

Wadi got the full spa treatment courtesy of Rykna - he now sports a new haircut (and bandana), and lies on a new bed (when he chooses to!). His coat is so soft and smooth.

Grandpa Olson is doing "all right" after losing his sweetheart. He told us that they met in 1940 when he was about 16 and she 15. He was driving up and down the town's main street on a Friday night with his buddies. She was walking with her friends, and they invited them to get into the car and go for a ride. He was "smitten" by her.

They dated for about a year, and then broke up at her request because she thought they should see other people. That lasted for a few months! That summer they both attended a dance. He walked over and said, "Hi, Beautiful!" "Hi, Big Shot!" she replied. And that, as they say, was that!

They waited a long time to get married, though - until 1953. But I'm glad they did, because then they had Ron and if he had been 10 years older, I would never have met him at college and gotten married to the most wonderful husband I could have and had the four greatest children in the world!

Brinne sent me a Soduko puzzle book and I got hooked! They are very interesting. If you are interested in reading more about the mathematics involved, this article was pretty interesting and not too technical.

Carl gave Grandpa a DVD of a movie called "The Big Fish" and we watched it Monday night. It was fascinating. I found the relationship between the father and son to be very intriguing because of the son's perceptions. If you haven't watched this movie, I encourage you to do so.

Renee and Ron gave Dad a DVD player - but then he had to buy a new television so that we could hook it up! But we finally figured it out and left him with hopefully a working understanding of all the remotes! (That's a challenge for anyone let alone a man who is over 80, but he's pretty sharp, so I think he'll be fine!)

Well, as Dad said on his Christmas card to us, "It's been a year." And now it's about over (and it's my father's birthday today). I was going to say that I hope next year will be easier - but it probably won't be. I could say I hope that I won't face as many difficult challenges as I have had to face this year, but I probably will. They'll just take on forms I had not anticipated. But thru them I will grow and so the struggles will be worth it in the long run.

Merry Christmas... and a Blessed New Year.

My Anguish

I watched you suffer…
And it hurt so much to know I couldn’t relieve your pain.
I entrusted you to God…
And then I turned my back on Him as I watched you slip away.
It hurt, and I ran from the pain.
It overwhelmed me.
And so I protected myself (or tried to) the same way I’ve done all my life.
I learned the lessons of self-protection as a child… no one was there to comfort me.
I told myself it didn’t matter… I ran away from the pain.
The illusionary world of self-reliance welcomed me then as it does now.
It still beckons me and holds out the false promise of comfort
and of protection from my pain.
And I run there, forgetting that it is only an illusion –
and that the pain will go with me – and grow.
It does, you know – the pain grows and grows
until I can no longer bear it and I finally call out to God.
And He hears me…
And He understands…
But I still want to RUN!
How, when I have tasted and seen that God is good,
can I still want to run away from Him?
Oh God, I cannot bear it.
My heart hurts – my soul is in anguish.
I need Your comfort. But it’s so hard to allow myself to receive it.
All I can do at this moment is call out to You and ask You to intervene on my behalf.
Father, my heart is so cold.
Help me, Lord.

The Things You Find...

It's funny, the things people choose to keep.

I found the anniversary card that I gave Mom and Dad in 1975, and discovered that I had drawn a picture of the "fam" on the envelope! Can you tell who everyone is? (Cool bell bottoms, Jane!)

Poetry

Jane recently sent me a poem that she wrote, and with her permission, I share it here...

Grief

The waves of emotion
come crashing over me
pulling me under
I can hardly breathe
Barely holding my head above water
I gasp for air
And then another one comes
dousing me once more
Will I survive this?
Does anyone see me sinking?
I need a life line
Something to hang on to
Someone to drag me to shore
But my cries for help
are muffled and silenced
by the busyness of life
I must ride out the storm alone
Clinging to the Invisible Anchor
Pleading with Him
to save my soul
and heal my broken heart

My Spiritual Heritage

One of the things that has amazed me lately as I slowly (in spurts) go through Mom's things, especially her personal papers, is the insight I've been privileged to gain about her relationship with God.

Take, for example, the "personalized" Psalm 23 (see the previous post).

To read, in her handwriting, that the Lord heals her hurts and wounds - that's BIG. Because, you see, Mom kept her hurts and wounds pretty much to herself, at least when it came to her children (I think that's an accurate statement). I know that she didn't share much along those lines with me, anyway.

But I know that she had them. She WAS wounded in some profound ways. Her relationship with her own mother caused her deep pain and suffering. But I now know that she brought that to the Lord, and He helped her with that pain.

I also know from reading some of her writings that she suffered tremendously from the loss of her dear husband. Widowhood was very hard on her. She was extremely lonely. Eventually God answered her prayers for a friend by bringing Doug into her life, and that was a blessing for both of them. In a way, I'm glad that she didn't live long after Doug died.

Mom left many, many notes from her study of the Bible. Even though she didn't share what she learned personally with me, finding it now has been wonderful. I've been able to catch glimpses into her life and growth and I'm very thankful because she taught me to love the Lord and trust Him with my life by her example. What a heritage.

Mom's Personalized Psalm 23

The Lord is my husband - my provider and my protector - my caring friend.
He gives me what I need and I am learning not to want what He chooses not to send me.
He gives me an inner peace when I take time to be with Him.
He makes me feel renewed - refreshed - fulfilled.
He makes me aware of areas in my life that are displeasing to Him and patiently waits as I work thru these spiritual struggles.
Even when circumstances seem overwhelming I can count on Christ's light to dispel the darkness and I will remember the "the joy of the Lord is your strength" and "in Thy presence is fulness of joy" and I will not be afraid.
His Word guides me on right paths and keeps me safe.
The Lord blesses me abundantly with far more than I could expect.
The Lord heals my hurts and wounds and gives me the gift of the presence of the Holy Spirit.
I am abundantly blessed.
Surely God's presence and mercy will be with me all my life,
And I will be in His presence - not only now - but forever.

Grant's Eulogy

Words of Remembrance
September 8th, 2005
Priscilla L. Jensen


I wanted to point out the picture on the front cover that we are using for the order of service today. It is Jesus welcoming one into heaven. When I thanked the pastor for choosing it, he said it just sort of worked out that way because the church ran out of bulletins and he called around to some other churches and the one that had some to spare said these were it. I believe that mom heard the words of Jesus as printed on the front cover as she entered into the joy of the Lord.


The daughter of Gustav and Grace, Priscilla Lois Lohman was born in South Minneapolis on 11/27/1919. Priscilla was the 2nd of 3 children. Her older sister Muriel and her younger brother Richard (Dick), were un-conditionally loved, treasured, admired and often challenged by Priscilla.

In 1936 Priscilla and 6 other "girls" (Bernice, Dagne, Berdine, Arlene, Lorraine and Millie) began what was to become a 68 year relationship of support, laughter and friendship. They referred to one another as the "Club Girls" and their motto was "Gotta Koppa Ghi". Of the Club Girls, Priscilla was the first to get married, the first to have a baby and now the first to die.

Priscilla graduated from South High in 1937, then in1941 she graduated with a BA degree in Bio-Statistics from the University of Minnesota.

Priscilla and Ray met prior to WW II and were married on August 13th, 1942. Out of that bonding of heart, mind and spirit were born Barbara, Mark, Steven, Grant, Scott, Todd, Margaret and Jane.

Priscilla was a fully active and supportive member of Oliver Presbyterian Church since 1947. There she served as an elder, member of the presbytery, Deacon, Vocalist, VBS and Sunday School Teacher (Director and Superintendent, respectively), a supporter of the Mother's Club, Chair of the Worship Committee and boss to Tom Snyder and a stalwart supporter of each and every pastor. Additionally apart from Oliver, she was a leader in BSF and a volunteer for Meals on Wheels.

Priscilla, along with her cherished cousin, Helen and her treasured sister-in-law Char, taught us by example, the joy of the Lord, as seen in the gift of laughter.

I remember one of mom's favorite jokes. She would tell it and then she would laugh and laugh. One day a cat died and went to heaven. At the gate of heaven the cat was waiting to meet God and it peeked over the pearly gates and noticed that there were a bunch of mice going around the streets of gold, on roller skates. When God met the cat, He asked her if she had any questions. The cat responded, “Yes I thought this was heaven. Why are all the mice up here, and why are they on roller skates?” God simply replied, “Oh them… that's Meals on Wheels.”

Priscilla was strong willed, tenacious, stubborn, independent, a clear thinker, highly organized, adaptable and rigidly flexible. Above all else she was a lover of God in Christ Jesus as revealed in the Bible.

Priscilla was a knitter of slippers and afghans, a darner of socks, a senior blood donor and a woman who was willing to do what ever it took to survive, thrive and be alive.

In 1992, at the celebration of their 50th wedding anniversary, Ray and Priscilla were surprised with a gift of a trip to Norway. She also enjoyed traveling to Israel, England, Ireland, Scotland, Alaska and many trips in the USA including Diamond Lake, MN.

Even though the last months of her life were marked by injury, surgery, pain and the death of her beloved friend Doug, she was always directive and uncomplaining.

At the age of 85 years, 9 months and 24 days, Priscilla was relieved of her pain and suffering in Ron and Margaret's Wisconsin home on September 3rd, 2005. Now she lives in her eternal home with God, where many believe that she was met by Jesus with a hug, that she fully accepted, and with the words "Well done thou good and faithful servant, enter now into the joy of thy Lord."

Priscilla leaves behind 14 children (for she told me on more than one occasion that she considered the spouses of her kids to be her kids, too), 20 grandchildren and 10 great grandchildren, plus Muriel, Char, Helen, Evie and her extended family which included many nieces and nephews.

She was loved in life and will be missed in death. Priscilla was preceded in death by Dad and Uncle Dick. I am reminded of what Uncle Dick used to say. At first he read the book, I'm OK you're OK and that seemed right to him. But later on in life he thought maybe it should be “I'm OK but you are not OK”. And then later he thought, no... I am not OK but you are OK. But then he finally came to realize that the truth is sometimes I am not OK and you are not OK, but that is OK. I also remember his translation of the passage in the book of Job. Sometimes it is translated, “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord.” But a better translation is: “The Lord gives and the Lord receives again unto Himself, blessed be the name of the Lord.”

In the book of Philippians in the Bible we read the words: “Whatsoever is good, and kind and just and of good report think on these things.” So with that in mind today, I am going to mention a few memories I have of mom and I ask that you think along with me. If any of the memories I happen to mention bring other thoughts to your mind. I just ask that you take the time to share them with some one today and in the days ahead.

Rocky Mountain Camping, mashed potatoes, hot dishes, being a member of the holy rollers (ladies in the church who got together and rolled bandages for the missionaries), chocolate frosting on saltine crackers, Priscilla as a girl climbing trees, glider rides, roller-skating, $10 cash as a gift with the instructions that we were to report back and let her know what she bought us, Mom at the age of 32 taking in 3 kids so that there were now 9 children 9 and under in age, living with the Lohman's, Mom's laugh, Mom's story telling, Ken and Kay and the wrong house, Mom's sense of wonderment, or her saying, “OH GOOD!”, or “That's just perfect!”, White Castle hamburgers and coupons and family eating out, The Old Country Buffet, nickel Dairy queens, The Minnesota State Fair and the Sanitation Department, co-editing the Oliver Observer, or our saying, “I'm hungry” and she replied, “If you are hungry you can have a peanut butter sandwich.” “But I don't want a peanut butter sandwich!” “Then you aren't hungry, are you?” Or being president of the town house association, or keeping track of every (and I mean every) penny that came into the household budget, or her saying, "If you keep that up, somebody’s going to get hurt!" ... and we did, and they did. Or Mom saying "I'm so thankful... it could have been so much worse."

Romans 8:1-2 says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.”

Verses 18-39 of Romans 8 say, “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

“We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the first-fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those He predestined, He also called; those He called, He also justified; those He justified, He also glorified.

“What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all – how will He not also, along with Him graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is He that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died – more than that, Who was raised to life – is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: ‘For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.’ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

A number of years ago, Mom sent me a version of the 23rd Psalm that was written from the point of view of the Lord NOT being my Shepherd. Before I share that with you, I'd like to read Psalm 23:

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

I lost the version mom sent me, but based on what I remembered of it, I wrote my own version. Here it is:

"What if the Lord were not my Shepherd?" or "The Negative 23rd Psalm"

BECAUSE THE LORD IS NOT MY SHEPHERD
I AM LEFT WANTING
MY SOUL IS RESTLESS AND MY PASTURES ARE GONE.
THE WATERS OF MY LIFE ARE TROUBLED AND TOXIC
AND I WANDER WITHOUT DIRECTION.

MY SOUL IS UNRESTORED
AND I WALK IN UNRIGHTEOUSNESS
FOR MY OWN SELFISH SAKE

YEA THOUGH I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH
I WILL FEAR EVERY EVIL, FOR I AM ALONE.

THE HIRELING’S ROD AND STAFF TORTURE AND TORMENT ME
AND I WALK IN DESPAIR.

THERE IS NO TABLE THAT WELCOMES ME
AND MY ENEMIES ENCROACH.

MY HEAD IS ANOINTED WITH THE OIL OF DESECRATION
MY CUP IS EMPTY.

THERE IS NO GOODNESS, NO MERCY AND ALL THAT FOLLOWS ME
IS TERROR AND JUDGMENT AND I WILL DWELL IN THE HOUSE OF CONDEMNATION FOREVER.

Mom often pointed out that when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death... it is good to realize that if we are in the shadow, there by definition must be a light somewhere.

Then we concluded by saying the 23rd Psalm together... And all God's people said, "AMEN!"